I attempted to blog, it would have been a very long post; when I got to the end I decided that it would be put under the "Rant" category rather than the "Blog" category. Therefore this is going to be a short little post, almost exactly one year since my last post.

Oh so much has changed -- kinda

I'm pretty sure there are not too many people who read this which makes me feel more free to be open. Isn't it funny how easy it is to bare your soul to a total stranger and it can be like pulling teeth to tell someone you've grown up with the

same truth?

I like to think that so many different things have happened and I've accomplished so much in this last year, but realistically thats not the case. Saying that I am the same exact person now as I was a year ago would be a tragedy, but I am still Jordan. Same person, same body anyways, same brain, but my thinking has changed slightly, slightly

Wouldn't it be nice if we could start over knowing everything that we know right now. I would get all the answers right, I would know who would be my real friends and who I shouldn't even bother talking to. I could talk from the get-go and make my wants clear from the start. But knowing what I want and what I need are so very different. How can I possibly know what I need when I don't even have a clue of what I want.

"Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?"

you said it Avril.

can you dig our harry potter scars?

25 days till my birthdayyy<3

Senior ditch day is exactly one week away.

Im so HOOD

I hope this picture will suffice to replace all of the February I missed.

It is now March.

Honestly, nothing exciting or interesting happened to me this Feb. I didn't go to any raves. I did however miss a lot of school. I'm not sure how this happens though. It's more psychological than anything, like I really am there in body, just not mind. Even though thats really not the case.

We had no school today. It really made my day. And for the first time in, no joke, MONTHS I do not work on Friday OR Saturday night. 

Although nothing too exciting happened today, it was still quite wonderful

I think I will work this one backwards.

Im going to Amoeba with Abbie and Tyler tonight, apparently its a music store, but it will be fun. And its kind of a random little group, but I love little things like that. They make me really happy.

I bought this book this morning that I have not been able to put down. Its called "Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" by Chuck Klosterman. There is no way to describe this book, without actually reading it.  Im making progress, page 98

And my padre surprised me with hockey tickets! I really adore hockey

so yay for that tomorrow. 7th row from the ice. Ive sat in better, Ive sat in worse.

I have been driving since July 19 2007.

So giving up my precious car for the day has been quite a bust, although I know my car needs this service and to get all fixed and stuff, I still feel a little incomplete. Not even because its like "I rock, I have a car" because my car really is as close as I ever hope to come to having a baby. I love my car, it might not be the prettiest, or the coolest, or have the best sound system, but I love it all the same.

It gets me from point A to point B and it will take four other people there with me!

Lately I've been thinking a lot. For some reason about isolation. Like people who live as recluses. (ex: Emily Dickinson, Axl Rose years after Use Your Illusion I & II) Thats how I feel sometimes. Not exactly working on "Chinese Democracy" as the aforementioned  Mr. Rose, but just doing whatever it is that I do. Which really is nothing. I don't really have a huge problem with the doing nothing because really, we're all doing nothing either together or separately. But the whole isolated thing. I don't want to be. And I honestly know that I did it to myself. I pushed and pushed and now I have what's left. I feel alone and its no ones fault other than mine. I did it to myself, and to my life. And what's weird, is I can talk to everyone I see all day and still feel like no one has said anything to me and vice versa.

I cant decide if I do this because I like how it is, or because of something subconscious.

This whole paragraph isn't exactly a finished thought, I could add things after every comma and period but typing with my acrylics is kinda getting to me.

My three least favorite things and why:

Peeing, Showering, and Driving.

These things seem random ( and I do all of them quite often) but they really are all related.

after peeing, taking a shower or a long drive on my own, I notice that I always remember what I was talking about when I lost my train of thought 2 hours ago, or I see something in a completely different light.

I did a lot of all three of those today,

ha, except I only showered once.

i wear my pants around my waist, and i never dance when im in this place

(or something along those lines)

but he's so hard to see

I love being able to write and write and write.

GUESS WHAT I DID THIS WEEKEND.

unfortunetly you dont get to, I am just going to have to tell you.

Well, Saturday morning I woke up at the obnoxious hour of 8:00 am, to get to pasadena by 10:00, picking up my mom on the way. We went to the California Institute of Culinary Arts :]

It was amazing, its weird, I hear you all talk about college this, college that, I feel right here, I feel right there, this is what I wanna do, that is what I wanna do. And now I finally get it! It was amazing, and I loved it there, SO much. I really cant even explain it to you. Of course I might not go there, but even having just the slight bit of hope makes me so ecstatic.

Then of course, that night, I went to work, BLEHH.

I wish I didnt need the money. Like this couple (they're regulars, he gets a grande mocha with no whipped cream, and she gets a tall chai) but they just looked a little happier then usual, so I asked about their son, because I know he's been looking at UC santa cruz, and thought maybe be got accepted or something, but no, that wasnt it. Finally i ask them, "whats going onn?" They just happened to inherit 28 MILLION dollars. WOW. And all I could really think to say was "Well thats a pleasant surprise". And I'll have you all know that they dont even freaking tip us.

So, Sunday, today, was nice. No work, always a plus. But I woke up to the phone ringing and of course its Josh dropping Wendy off. So then i have to like, put on real clothes because I'm not going out in my PJs. We go out and do all this stuff. At michaels we got this random matching game because it didnt have a barcode and it like didnt belong to the store,. how random? I know! But it really made our day. So we ate, then came home, made cookies//cupcakes. Felt so sick, so we went to Wendys aunts baby shower (her second one this weekend) We got these cool pacifier things, and then some lady took them when we crossed our legs, but we didnt think we were playing, we just liked the pacifiers. Then I left her with Josh. We made him cupcakes, the one from wendy looked like "here honey, have a cupcake" and mine was more like "oh oh oh look what I made look look look!" :]

some how thats how things always are.

I went to a rave last weekend. That was so fun.

It was called Kandy Festival, we had high  hopes that it would be fun, but also kinda assumed it wouldnt be that great because it was in San Bernardino : / 

gross.

but we still went, and out of the 4 raves I've been to, it was without a doubt my FAVORITE.

ah, so amazing. I cant even tell you how amazing it was. Like, I really cant.

OH EFF, 

i almost forgot about the best part.

I BAKED A CAKE IN THE SHAPE OF A GIANT CUPCAKE

its amazing. Culinary school here I comeeee. ha, i hope :]

have a good night.

i will blog more often soon.

im too busy failing at life <3

go take a shower fool

I love Wendy, she makes my life so much more eventful.

HELLO THERE BOYS AND GIRLS!<3

I got my white tutu, and my "my crew does it better" shirt, all we need are nerd glasses and wendy and I will be ready for Kandi Festival. This will be rave number four. I am beyond excited. I will be good, (abster) :]

I should be taking a shower right now. I thought I would last night, but instead I just came home and knocked out. Speakman and I are going to get bagles and boba for breakfast. I'm not sure boba will be open, or if it is a breakfast thing, but it sound so good, and I eat it kinda often now.

You know what I love? When you were friends with someone and then you stop talking (well I hate the stop talking part) but I do love when you randomly meet them again, and you start talking and hanging out. This has recently happened to me. And its so weird, but in a good way.

I have bruises. They're annoying. I huuuurt. But it''s ok :] 

I'm going to ACTUALLY go take a shower now

KANYE!<3

Daniel Fermanian is one of the coolest people I know, and one of my best friends :]

wasssssup kids.

i have nothing interesting to say, except for the fact that daniel is amazing. so.

i hope you all have a fun//productive night :]